- Click follow
That button to follow other people’s pages. Click it relentlessly. You want to go somewhere close to the daily limit, but not too close. Medium is watching. They might suspend your account. Get away with it and the re-follows will boost your own follower count fast. It’s the best way to grow your audience organically.
2. Write a little bit on everything
3. Plagiarize relentlessly
Not sure what to write? Simply copy other people’s material. Don’t feel guilty about this. Take it from me, I do it all the time. To clear your conscience, the best thing you can do is pass off other people’s work as your own.
4. Write when drunk.
Mainstream advice claims alcoholism kills creativity. But those saying this are sober, teetotal, straight edges. They never drink and don’t know how well it lubricates the writing machine. By the time I’ve finished this piece, I’ve gone from typing at my desk to bashing my keyboard at the pub sink.
5. Keep writing
It doesn’t matter if you feel like writing or don’t, simply make yourself. Keep pressing the keys and let the drivel flow. Use your elbows if you have to. Just keep going. It really liberates the soul when all you can produce is nonsense. If that’s you, you’re writing like you’re supposed to. Remember, that 1k payment will arrive any day. Just keep waiting. It will come.
6. Keep a journal
Write daily notes in a little book to inspire your creativity. In mine it says I ate toast this morning and had a shower, walked 3 miles then typed an article on Medium. Went to bed. Life doesn’t get any more inspiring.
Always revise your wok
The first draft is full of mistakes. By going back and polishing your turd people won’t get put off by the smell. Cover it in paper and flush hard. When the thing’s blocked you’ve done your job.
7. Keep count of anything
That means sheep before going to sleep, number of days until/since Christmas. How many seconds in an hour and how much faster than the speed limit you’re doing right now. When you leave the road, how many meters you traveled. How big the indentation is in the ground. The amount of damage to the family car. Days until divorce.
9. Social Media
Always have a social media presence to lure in an audience. Pay people for photos to make it look like you’ve gone to exotic locations and pretend you have 8 cars in your drive. You live in a mansion online, so brag about it constantly. The key here is complete honesty, so give it to people by lying.
10. Work on your voice
The best way is through ChatGPT. Ask questions and wait a few seconds for the answers. Copy and paste them with minimal changes — if you feel hard working. Otherwise, copy verbatim and this is you. It was your question after all, so you own the answer, and by extension, the way it’s written.
11. Remember your worth
Just like everyone else on this site, you’re surplus to requirements. Knowing this helps keep you grounded. It stops your ego spiraling out of control. I meditate on it everyday, as well as the mantra that I’m completely worthless. To this point, I’ve achieved nothing in my life. You can be the same.
Now go out there and make Medium pond.
This article was written by Jack Thompson. He’s one of the premium writers on the site. Being as prized as he is, he doesn’t post often.